January 12, 2010

Words of wisdom from a jedi master…
George Lucas may be famous for his cheesy dialogue but when he had Qui’gon Jinn tell a young Anakin Skywalker that “our focus determines our reality” he really was right on target. Too often we forget that one of the few (perhaps the only?) things we have control of in our lives is our own reaction to life. Our attitude really does play a major part in where our emotional barometer resides. This nugget of wise advice has been reinforced over this first month of my marriage. No matter the situation, integrating your life into that of another is always a challenge, but my husband and I have had the additional challenge of integrating two very different cultural backgrounds. Sometimes these differences have resulted in laughter, other times in confusion, but what has kept us able to deal with these challenges effectively is the way we have chosen to face them. And with this choice we have found that our most serious disagreements are almost always based on a misunderstanding. Inevitably there has always come a moment when one or both of us will stop, take a step back, and start to smile or chuckle because we have suddenly realized that we are both advocating the same side of the coin. Although realizing we are usually in agreement is a very good thing, being able to civilly disagree is equally important. We decided very early on that we would always try to make sure any disagreements between us were moderated by this decision, and this first month has demonstrated very clearly how important that promise has become. Will this technique continue to work? We will certainly continue to give it our best, knowing that such efforts won’t always be 100% successful, but also knowing that as Qui’gon said, the end results are ultimately up to us.